My Jagunmolu at 60, by Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi
In my class on Nigerian Foreign Policy taught by the late Professor Olajide Aluko, there was a quiet, soft-spoken and very good-looking guy. One day I was reading at the Hezekiah Oluwasanmi Library, and when I was about to leave, I found out that I did not have my library card on me to take out the books I needed. I looked around to see if there was any one who could help me, and there he was, the shy guy from my class.
I walked up to him, said hello, and asked him if he had his library card on him and if he could help me take some books out. He nodded and smiled, showing a cute gap in his front teeth. I gave him the list of books I needed and promised to pick up the books from his room later. As I walked away, he called out, ‘please don’t forget to come’. I smiled to myself. Of course I would not forget, they were my books! I went to his room that night to pick up my books. As I was leaving, I asked him if he was free the following evening and if he wanted to watch a movie, he flashed that lovely smile again and said yes. Later on, I discovered that he had no interest in movies. His only interest was me. That is how I met Kayode Fayemi.
The above excerpt is from my autobiography, ‘Speaking above a Whisper’ (2013). The story about how I met John Olukayode Fayemi at University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University) when we were both Post Graduate students is well known. He is still quiet. He is still soft-spoken. He is still quite handsome. He is still awesomely brilliant. The shy gentleman who I met in class in September 1986, has achieved so much and has become one of the most inspiring voices of our generation.
I knew back then that Kayode Fayemi would be great. How did I know this? He was, and still is, disciplined, focused and serious. He prefers to spend his time poring over The New Yorker, Newsweek or The Economist. Where many look to clubs, pubs, parties and the like to unwind, Kayode is fixated on the news cycles on BBC News, CNN or Al Jazeera. People might wonder, so what does he do to relax? He reads – anything and everything. He debates – the future of Africa, the potential of Nigeria, the new wave of globalisation, the failings of the international peace and security architecture, the role of civil society in ensuring the sustainability of democratic gains and so on. When he is done debating, he writes. About all the lessons he has learnt over the years as a scholar, researcher, activist, journalist, politician, community leader, global citizen.
As we grew together over the years, it never ceased to amaze me, how consistent JK is. When he ventured into politics, his natural reticence was cause for concern to many. Politicians are supposed to be open books, saying what they think, see and feel, since this tends to give their supporters a sense of ownership. JK was a politician who wanted to solve problems affecting his people, not the kind of leader to tell them only what they wanted to hear. JK always believed that as Africans, we deserve the very best, not just what we believe our circumstances or contexts dictate. He is always looking ahead to what is possible, not fixated on what is not achievable in the short-term. Envisioning, strategic thinking, leveraging relationships and partnerships to accomplish goals, have always been JK’s strengths.
A few years ago, I stopped calling him JK. This is what I have called him since we first met. In political circles, people started calling him JKF, so I began to lose my proprietary rights to his nickname. JK has weathered unbelievable storms, particularly in the political arena. He has battled and won, fought and lost, struggled and triumphed, all these over and over again. He is a warrior, battle tested and always ready. That is why I now call him my Jagunmolu. My warrior. Disciplined, focused, courageous, loving, supportive, strong, kind, gentle, tough, firm, all the attributes and occasional contradictions to be found in great leaders.
I have been blessed to have JK as a soulmate and life partner. The career path I decided to take would have been a rough one if I did not have someone like JK as a husband. A young man on Facebook once asked me, ‘How can I find a loving, successful, respectful wife?’. My response was, ‘Are you willing to be a loving, successful, respectful husband?’ Why are you looking for what you yourself do not have? There are many men like JK who have supported their spouses and who also believe in a world that is fair and equitable. Such men might not be in the majority, but I know JK has been mentoring many others who also understand the value of true partnerships and not unions based on tyranny.
Many years ago, when we were both in London, I was on the Africa Committee at the European Union Migrants Forum, which was set up to monitor race relations with the EU. This entailed quarterly meetings in Brussels. I was on one of those trips in December 1992. When I finished the meeting, I went to catch the night ferry from Brussels to Dover, UK.We did not have Eurostar then, that did not happen till 1994. The ferry was supposed to leave at 12am. When we got there at 10pm, there was a notice up that the ferry had been cancelled and the next one was not available till 8am the following morning.
It was freezing cold, I had come down with a cold, I had a bad headache and I was running a temperature. I was so miserable. I went to a phone booth (we did not have cell phones then) to call JK to let him know. Before I could explain what had happened, I burst into tears. He was so alarmed. When I told him what had happened, he told me not to cry, and that everything would be alright. He asked me to look around and see if there were hotels near the port, and I said yes, there were lots of them. He told me to go to one of them and get some sleep. There was so much love, kindness and empathy in his voice, I have never forgotten the way it made me feel, the comfort, the warmth, the safety, the sense that this is someone I can always depend on. I have never forgotten his voice that night and the way he made me feel. Nothing has changed to this day.
JK darling, my Jagunmolu,I wish you a Happy 60th Birthday. I thank God Almighty for your life and for his abundant grace over you. Thank you for being a wonderful, loving, husband and father. May you be blessed with many more years in good health and peace of mind. May the mercy of God Almighty be upon you always. May He strengthen you and uphold you in all things and in all ways. I love you.
•Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com